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Philomena’s Restaurant
7503 Granger Road – Valley View Ohio 44125
http://www.philomenas.net

To open, when it comes to my preference of cuisine, I will generally always lean towards Italian. Personally, I am not one for chain restaurants, but Olive Garden’s menu is pretty awesome and sets the bar high for privately owned places. Perhaps that is the reason I am writing this review with the view I have, but none the less, Philomena’s was not very impressive.

For those not familiar with the area, this restaurant is in a building that was formerly known as “Cleveland’s PM”, a gentleman’s club that went out of business several years ago. Inside, the decor is very nice. Lots of marble, different levels, some “italian” looking pillars and posts. Unfortunately, it still has that “gentleman’s club” vibe. If you look at the ceiling you will find stage lighting in areas that will show you exactly where poles used to exist. Not a great touch guys… I would suggest removing this.

The service, while moderately slow, was not all that bad. The staff is quite friendly and knowledgable about the menu. The tables were clean. The floor was in good shape. Overall, not a bad experience. The food, on the other hand, was quite mediocre. Based on staff recommendation due to their “homemade meatballs”, I ordered the Spaghetti and Meatballs dish, for 12.00. I asked how large the dish was (I was rather hungry today) and I was informed that it was quite large. Once I finally received my dish, I jokingly said aloud “This is it? Where’s the rest?”. Now mind you, I do enjoy portions larger than most, but I was expecting far more based on the description I received. The start of the disappointment had begun. Now we’re to taste. Again, mediocre. Was it better than the Prego sauce I use at home? Definitely. Was it fantastic? No. There was more sauce than there were spaghetti noodles. Now, since I was recommended this dish because of the meatballs, I must review them seprately. The meatballs actually were pretty good. Again, not fantastic, but pretty good.

And now for the funniest part. This place opened at most, 2-3 weeks ago. Definitely not open for a month (this post written on 7/30/2010). On my way out, I couldn’t help but notice a plaque hung on the wall, directly to the left of the door, very specifically positioned to be seen, said the following:

Voted Cleveland’s Best – 2008 – M. Bistro

Now maybe I forgot to count. Perhaps the doors to this building are cleverly disguised teleporters into the past. I don’t know what I may be missing, but this building was Cleveland’s PM in 2008, so it’s not there from those days, which leaves me with only one conclusion… The owners of this place must thing people don’t know how to count and will just see the big “Voted Cleveland’s Best” and dismiss the fact that the plaque was awarded to a DIFFERENT restaurant TWO YEARS AGO! Seriously people… If you have faith in your ability to own and manage a restaurant, you do NOT need this.

Will I be back? Doubtful!

Update 1/22/2012
Philomena’s Restaurant has been closed for a while now. Clearly I am not the only one with a poor opinion of this place.